RALPH: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...Ralph...Hinkley

RALPH: I could kill the guy who designed this suit.  Why couldn't it have narrow lapels and a cutaway jacket?  Why did it have to be long johns and a cape?

RALPH: Pam Davidson, my attorney, Bill Maxwell.  We're in the superhero business together.  BILL: What attorney? You're too pretty. 

PAM: Ralph I dearly care about you, I ..even.. love you, I wouldn't tell you this now but I feel I have a heavy emotional stake in your future.

BILL: Well a ray of sunshine, shall we dance?

BILL: You're good troops angel.  PAM: Thanks Bill I'm really going to treasure that. BILL: On the other hand I'm going to be working on your attitude 'cause it stinks.

BILL: Everybody freeze! Your in the bag surrounded! First guy moves a pinkie loses it!

BILL: She may be your girlfriend but she's my counselor and nobody messes with her that's it.

RALPH: Damn.

BILL: You're an egghead.

RALPH: That's it with the suit, I'm not putting it on again.  BILL: You're making a big mistake and you know it down in the geezer freezer, I know it, Pam knows it. You can't turn your back on this thing it'll wreck ya.

BILL: You get to be vice principal, Councilor she's a  jr. partner, yours truly Dumbo Maxwell  chugging across the finish line, folks up in the gallery chanting "go geezer go!"

BOSS: Your crazy Maxwell. BILL: Maybe, but I'm a good fed all the way down to my hair.

BILL: Here's looking at you kid.

RALPH: You can't go because we're the package Bill, those little green guys didn't pick us by accident, we're supposed to do this as long as it takes, how many times have you told that to me?

RALPH: We have to hold this thing together Bill. It's you and me and the suit against uh...  BILL: Against what? RALPH: Against the world, when it goes wrong we fix it.

BILL: Just remember Pressure makes diamonds, George S. Patton.  RALPH: Hey no sweat I've got it under control, remember, heroes take chances.

BILL: Ahh that is so heavy man, you are so sexy.

TONY: Pick your friends carefully huh?  All right I'll pick a friend.  RALPH: Who are you going to pick? TONY: I pick you. RALPH: Thank you, I accept.

Ralph: You know why most of us have been listening to the Beatles enjoying decaffeinated coffee, guys like Maxwell have been digging into trenches keeping our country safe. TONY: I should be crying, I'm so ungrateful Mr. H.

Season 2

BILL: Why don't you people go about your business?  Who cares what you think anyway?

BILL: Freeze FBI!

BILL: This stinks, I hate this.

BILL: Couple of green guys in an intergalactic Chevy, nothing to it at all.

BILL: I don't know how to put this to you kid I don't want to get to mushy but ...take a hike.

PAM: I understand the importance of what you are doing and I understand that sacrifices have to be made but......

BILL: I see you brought him around good job there.  PAM: Thanks Bill you know how little gold stars from you give me that added incentive.

BILL: Truth is when you started with us pal you're messing with bad ju-ju boss.

BILL: See that's not the kicker, the kicker is I fell for it.  I never wanted anybody before not since my wife I wanted this dame and I can't have her.

Ralph: Bill she is an enemy agent, an enemy to you, she is an enemy to the country which you have a sworn obligation to protect. BILL: Yeah but outside of that.

RALPH: Bill! Bill! You alright? BILL: I'm awake, I'll get a job tomorrow mom I promise.

RALPH: You like it when I'm corny?  Pam: Just a little.

RALPH: You know I've got  a temper and I've just about reached my limit with you. When my ears start to turn red and my nose blow smoke you better watch out cause I'm gonna be down on you like a foot on a bug.

VILLAIN: Who is that guy. BILL That's my fairy godmother.

BILL: White slavery? PAM: Still cold. BILL: Drug running? Communist cell? Secret missile complex, Dr. Mengela, goldilocks and the three bears, come on Ralph!

BILL: I'll meet you down at the marina.  Avast there me hardies! HA HA HA! PAM: You invited him.

BILL: Getting mellow is part of life oh wow the bees. What a fruitcake.

POCO: This guy is on you like wet on a t-shirt, which is understandable, older type woman you ain't no slouch.  PAM: Thank you.

PAM: I am disgusted with the both of you. RALPH: Why? BILL: About What? PAM: I don't know yet.

BILL: OK let's not panic.  PAM: I feel like panicking, I can panic if I want to panic.

BILL: What kind of rock crawled up off of you anyway?

GUY: It's a vision, visions have been very popular lately.  RALPH: I'm going to give this guy a vision in a second.

RALPH: You know hundreds of years ago Lord Acton said something. He said "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely".

PAM: Isn't sixth street the next stop light? BILL/RALPH: Who cares! You don't have it. We're dying over here, I don't want to die.  PAM: Oh brother.

BILL: Yamma Yamma Yamma, woopee doo, scooby doo, and gobeldy gook.

PAULA: No fool like an old fool.  BILL: I don't know what your talking about lady.

Season 3

BILL: He's just a boy, college kid and everything, maybe he's out with a young lady and a 6 pack.  Have you checked out the co-eds this season?

BILL: Hold it! Freeze your face!

PAM: Hold it!  Freeze your face!

PAM: I wouldn't use the phone Bill the hospital may want you for a lobotomy.

BILL: Ralph, Ralph come in!  PAM: Go ahead your master calls.

PAM: OK guys who's going to help me pat these patties.  RALPH: I'll pat your patties.

RALPH: Pamela I love you very much and I would like us to be a real team. PAM: Ralph, are you asking me to marry you? RALPH: Yes I am

PAM: I am so drunk

PAM: 10-4 good buddy.

Invisible sound effect

Invisible sound effect and Bill's Homer imitation

RALPH: I can't even get it over my head...Bill this is a petite I'm sure I'm a jr. miss.

BILL: That was in there for only 3 and a half minutes. PAM: That's the magic of microwave cooking.

RALPH: They'll send you down another partner as good as me.  BILL: I got the best partner in the world I don't want another partner.

BILL: Can't we get out of here and make tracks?  PAM: Shut up bill.  RALPH: Yeah, shut up.

BILL: Come on you'll do it for Bill, old uncle Bill, old uncle wild Bill who loves you baby? PAM: Your overdoing it uncle Bill.

BILL: You're really not going to make this easy on the old man are you?  Ralph: Heck no.

Bill asks Ralph about dating his mother.

BILL: Sim salabim

RALPH: I getting a tree house with a bunch of elves around it.  BILL: OK that's it.

RALPH: You can't turn your back any more. You can't look down on your government because in the end your government will look down on you.

Song: On My Own- Joey Scarbury (932kb)